It is funny how a little thing like blogging can start out as mild interest and then, in time, somehow turn into an obligation of sorts. Funnier still, I am only obligated to me; it is I alone dissapointed by my inability to speak these days.
I don't think it is so much a need for attention, the blogging. I mean, sure it is swell when "Aunt Suzie" (not her real name) lauds me as a talented scribe but I could take up professional
plate spinning and I am pretty certain she'd still have kind words to lavish upon me. In fact, I rather despise the "look at me! look at me!" aspect associated with blogging.
Neither does blogging solve loneliness or provide anymore solace than that of a paper journal, at least not for me. Less hand cramps, maybe.
I have no delusions of joining the ranks of today's super women BlogHers. I am pretty certain I wouldn't want that many eyes on me anyway.
I think, instead, my desire to have a public conversation amongst myself is to contribute something: of value, or interest or just something new and/or unique to the landscape.
Perhaps a little psychoanalysis would prove it is a desire to share a little bit of myself with-- well, anyone. (that should probably be clarified, but I'm just gonna leave it for Freud to dissect)
Cynical Me says " There is Nothing New Under the Sun"-- what can be contributed that Dave Barry or Lewis Grizzard haven't already covered? This is a favorite vice of late-- something akin to what my dad once diagnosed a bunch of church members with --- "Eeyorism" (ie; "woe is me" "what's the use" "we're all gonna die anyhow" "the sky is falling" , et al)
This Eeyore disease leads to feelings of " I have nothing NEW to say". I have tried those little daily guides, "Treasure Tuesdays", "Works For Me Wednesdays" and the like-- which only proved to irritate me in the same way that most trends and bandwagon scenarios do. ( I refuse to wear a bluetooth device in my ear, I don't own a pair of Crocs ( I didn't say I don't like 'em-I just can't wear them on principle)
Low Self Esteem Me says " Who are you and what gave you the idea that anyone besides yourself wants to hear that story ?" ((This me usually goes on to say "Shut Up!" and proceeds to hurl profanities and insults my way as well ))
This furthers my plight to nothing new or INTERESTING to say.
So, despite having no good reason for doing so, here goes one more go at the old blogging pony-- and though she be a dead horse, she will be a dead horse well beat.
