loss

I started to write a post about loss (and legacy reels) back when my grandpaw passed away...and then tried again recently when my uncle departed. Days got busy, I'm easily distracted and all of my attempts felt too frilly...too feely.

What I'm really aiming to say has been said in countless ways so, maybe that is why I feel too antsy to pin the words down (pen the words down?). It amounts to "Life is beautiful." though there are plenty of other worthy and valid things to be said about lives well-lived and legacies left behind. Like the following statements:

"The Grand Canyon is large."

"Niagara Falls is wet."

 "There's gold in dem dar hills."

 improvements could be made but the fundamental idea is present and accounted for.

Sometimes that's the best one can do.

So, here I am, sharing the video made in tribute to my uncle as a stand-alone excuse for where I've been lately, a picture-postcard from this other place for which I haven't an adequate vocabulary.

Though I was honored to be asked to help with this project,  I'm not saying "Look what I did." Although I became thoroughly immersed in the project, I'm not sharing a work of art. Truly, it is the handiwork of a novice-at best and I wish it were more...polished.



I share because the process of distilling a life story of 80 plus years down into an 80 proof shot has been transformative for me.



 I learned so many new things about my uncle but also about the world in which I live. Walking through the story of his life was like a history lesson wrapped in one last, strong hug.



In some ways, it helped me say good-bye. In other ways it confirmed that though I know I'm expected to do more and more of it in the years to come, saying goodbye will not get any easier.



The dread of such thoughts is almost enough to steal the joy of today-almost.



But even if it's only for today, the rest of us are still here -together. 

That is no small thing.

 This week, while watching a Disney show with the BigKids, we watched a eulogy scene that called on lines from "Our Town" for fitting words about this business of leaving Earth. I definitely couldn't have said it better myself.  

I know.

 I tried.

"Let's really look at one another!...It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed... Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover's Corners....Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking....and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths....and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?"

~THORNTON WILDER //  "OUR TOWN"

No, we don't. We can't. But, we should at least try.

I love all of you. 

Take care of yourselves and each other. 

~k 

Sunday Best

The real problem with a hard-hitting, right-on-the-money-Sunday-morning-sermon is my propensity to quote parts of it against my fellow man (and myself) for the rest of the week.

 I don't think that's how they're supposed to work.

Leave Space For Grace, Kelly. 

(Ah yes...I've heard she was quite the dancer.) 

Father's Day

PaPa and Grandkids @ Waycross 2013

This is one of those days that leave me tongue tied.

Not for a lack of good things to say. Rather for trying to find a new way to say what is good and true and known and noteworthy about the man that is my father.

And then to repeat that quest for the man whose Adventures in Fatherhood I get to watch in 'real time' as he plays dad & hero to my crew of 4.

Words just fail me, that is all.

Lots of people, in assorted tributes today,  have pointed out  what makes a man a good man- qualities that carry over into their fatherhood, making them, by default, good dads.

Then there are folks who talk about what was missing- either because Time robbed them or because certain qualities or values escaped their fathers (like sobriety.) These people too, are affirming that a good man makes for a good father. Also that those of us blessed to have our father still living here amongst us are truly blessed.

I think that what makes a list about any given father special are those things that only a child or wife would be able to list... the things that others may not know about or spend enough time to see...

So, though the day is drawing to a close and though I've already bumbled through calling my dad and trying to say what words can't capture...and even though we had a nice lunch with Clay and made a batch of cookies to mark this special day-  I thought I'd try to share something specific about each man on my respective lists.

The place we had lunch with Clay today has a small stocked pond in back. I took Rye out to see the fish after we ate. There was a large fish swimming all by his lonesome... I say his because he was OBVIOUSLY The Incredible Mr. Limpett. 

Looked just like him...

Which brings me to my dad.

No, my dad doesn't look like Limpett.

My dad introduced me to The Incredible Mr. Limpett movie when I was a young girl, amongst many other treasures that were before my time and on a higher shelf than my realm of knowledge afforded.

He kindly brough the good stuff down within reach.

I almost told Riley that the fish was Mr. Limpett... I had to remember she's only 2 and has yet to see the movie. But, I know that someday, she will know who Mr. Limpett is. And I will try to convince her that we have seen him with our very own eyes.

By then, she will have seen a host of other movies or television programs that were passed on to me by my dad, too. Old ones. Good ones.

She will also know what Southern Gospel music is. We will leave the debate about what qualifies music as 'good" for another day... it is getting late :) I know there are some who may read this that do not share an appreciation  for The McKamey's
 (even though he probably finds himself humming a tune or two from time to time... not that he'd ever admit it....am I right Nick?)

Riley will know her papa, so she will know his music :) Just as the older kids already associate the two together.

First Random Share:
>>On a recent drive in the car we passed the father of one of Chandler's team mates. "He reminds me of Papa" Chandler said..."he's always playing Southern Gospel in his car, at the field"<<

When I saw Mr. Limpett today in the pond, I thought back to the excitement my dad had over sharing certain things in life with us. He has shared things with us from which he has already wrung much joy, the act of sharing bringing him even more joy.

This couldn't be more true of a good and godly heritage. A heritage that has tremendous value and is a treasure I hold close to my heart. I could talk about that long into the twilight.

But I won't.

Today- what I guess I am focused on, is that my dad wanted us to share in the things that he enjoys. He enjoys sharing good things with us. He 'gives us good gifts' (to speak with a King James accent).

I will forever link my dad with Walt Disney... indeed, they have a certain shared ingenuity.
Sure.
But I also remember the zeal with which dad led us through the gates to Epcot.
(yes, I could go for a metaphor about Heaven here... for he has given us the map to those gates with ten times the zeal... and perhaps on another day I will wax poetic about that too...) today, however, it is important to me that he enjoys a world that we are free to dream and invent in.

He has passed that appreciation on to my siblings, myself and my children.

I believe this quality too, - especially as related to Mr. Limpett- is  about my dad's appreciation for a good story, as well as good story telling; an affinity he and I share. I love that about him.

Second Random Share:
>>Around the ballpark, a certain young man and myself have an ongoing debate about whether Antarctica is a real place or not. (I maintain that Antarctica is a giant hoax) Recently, Logan heard me recruiting some 'collaborators' to my story... she said "That is exactly something Papa would do" And my heart smiled a little... I knew she was right.
Each time we talk-this kid and me- the story grows... the conspiracy theory expands.  I help explain to him what is already so clear to those of us who've discovered the truth about Antarctica. He continues to argue what he knows to be true, albeit with a hint of question in his voice...

Someday, he will know that Antarctica exists beyond any shadow of doubt...the world will be a more finite place. Perhaps though,  he will remember a time that someone tried to convince him otherwise...and see the fun in that... the thinking it made him do. Hopefully he will smile and hopefully pass the story telling game along... whether it be to deny Antarctica exists or to convince a pack of children that a whole race of miniature Indians live in their attic (one of my dad's stories... and I was convinced! So sad to discover they weren't real...) <<

To bring this to a close with one word, I suppose I'm thinking about the quality of Whimsy.

Fun-Loving may be another way to put it.

My dad has that. 

So does Clay.

So, when I take the turn to talk about the man with whom I share four children, I will prove true at least part of a cliche'- the one about us gals marrying someone who reminds us of daddy...

 (now hold up you two- I know you think you are as different as night and day, and that's just fine... but there are some similarities on MY list... and I'm the first thing ya'll have in common... so- let me try to explain...)

... the thing on my list about Clay is that he feeds ducks...and fish... and deer...and turtles, too...  with all the joy that Riley or any of the Big Kids do. (probably more actually)

And he enjoys watching our kids have a little simple fun.

I love that about him.

Last Random Share:
>>I told my mom recently about a walk we took as a family. We spotted ducks in the nearby pond. Clay insisted we get bread... (this wasn't his first time to a duck pond... he knew how to have a little fun)
I went in to get 'duck food' and came out with a bag of Cheez-It crackers... because, the only other store nearby was an expensive bakery... the croissants were more than $3 a piece...the cheesecake didn't seem duck friendly... but, No! Clay wanted to break bread with these ducks... he went back in and promptly purchased a bag of croissants to hand out to the children...to him, the fun was worth a small splurge...without a second thought.  <<

Today, as we stood watching Mr. Limpett swim in the restaurant pond, a waiter came up and handed us  a few sandwich rolls. "Would you like to feed some fish?" he asked Riley.

Yes!
Of course!

So we took the bread and began to commune with the fish in a way unique to broken bread - with a sense of awe & wonder that two vastly different worlds can meet- if only for a moment- on a bridge made out of bread. (another metaphor for a rainy day...)

As he went back to work, I overheard the bread bestowing waiter's co-worker remark:

 "Awww, you can tell you're a daddy!"

To which I simply add, EXACTLY.

So, we wished him a happy father's day as he returned to his tasks-at-hand.

And we went back to feeding fish.

When Riley- who throws awfully big chunks of bread(...chunks the size of entire sandwich rolls, in fact...)- ran out of bread to toss on the water, she asked for more.

To which her daddy gladly offered her a share of his portion.  "Here you go, baby."

Passing down the fun he was having- so that he could enjoy watching her have the same fun.

See? Similar... Fun-Loving.

Oh, wait- I think I see a connecting theme here., too.. a bring-it-all-down-to-a-redeeming-moral opportunity... I did not plan it... did not plan any moral at all actually, but alas:

Matthew 7:9“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

According to my clock, there's only a scant 15 minutes left on this special day for fathers.  I am blessed to have been raised by one of the good ones. I am further blessed to be partnered with another truly good one. I am undeserving to belong to the best one- a heavenly Father who gave both of these good 'gifts' to me. 

If your dad has left earth...if you are a single mom... if there are some really hard life lessons your dad could stand to learn... you are not an orphan and you are not alone... even the really good daddies are mere reflections of One far greater... a Father accessible to all... through the Body- that bread of Christ, broken to connect two vastly different worlds.

Yes, I believe that is the right note to end on.

Happy Father's Day (to all... )