hindsight

Hindsight, you speak

as clearly as you see.

It was all too much,

these words hurled at me. 

I have collected each kindling line

and here, set them aflame. 

There is music in the crackling, the burning and

 lifting away

I hum along, louder now:

 "... it is well..."

 LAST YEAR WITH LARRY

(by Larry, with his phone) 

You are a psycho. Everyone knows it
You are just someone I use to know
You are not a VERY stable person.

Your family is a cult. You will lie and cheat to get your way. 

You attack anyone that disagrees with you

You are on the bi-polar kick today I see. You really need some help

I’m not saying that to be mean. You really need to get checked out

I just simply no longer loved you
Less of you is more for me
You are just crazy
Get in the real world

Nope. I’m not going down your crazy rabbit hole.

You were the problem in this marriage. I now believe that 1000%.

You are not mentally stable and have major issues. 

I pray for our kids you get help.

I’m sorry I hurt you. I hope you forgive me one day. I’ve never wanted to hurt you

You’re a sick individual.

If you only knew what some people close around you thought about your actions
You failed our kids so much
We both know who you are
Getting a police report
You’ve made all of this so much harder than needed

Your son doesn’t even want you to know where he’s going. Now that’s sad

I don’t care why you left. I’m just thankful you did. 

You can be someone else’s bat shit crazy girl. I’m good

Your are not a good person and thankfully others have started to see this.
You failed me and our kids.

I divorced you because your bat shit crazy, I didn’t love you anymore

I’m not mad at you. I don’t hate you. I still pray for you daily.

I wish you would just listen, 

but you fancy yourself on thinking your the smartest person in the room.

You’ll answer to someone one day

Your a hateful person and someone I no longer have room for in my life.

It will be a glorious day when we no longer have much interaction.

Then you add your nasty family on top of that. 

To be honest you can thank your family for 75% of divorce

No I know my neglect played apart I see that now

Your a nasty human
Your petty

I hope one day in your life you will listen.

 It cost you so much by just not listening to people

I need you out of my life because you are a negative person and then manipulator and just a badperson

I love you and want to work on US so bad

You are your daddy’s girl.

Daddy finally gave baby girl the wrong advice
You are a liar
You are the biggest fraud
Your really starting to lose it
You need mental help

lunatic

I regret the mean comments I definitely didn’t mean them 

And wish I could take them back

You are sick. You need help
You will never understand
dumb ass
They don’t like you
I don’t want to see you

I don’t recognize who you have become. You are not the person I married

To be honest what am I losing? A manipulator, liar , a cheater

You are walking out on this family. 

Hiding behind the BS child abuse narrative.

I hated our marriage. It was an disaster at best.

 I'm glad you finally listened and left

I neglected you. I am sorry. Period Now you have to deal with that. It’s your choice

You are the liar

You absolutely are a bad person. 

You are a liar

You are a liar and always have been
You are a adult. Act like one

Same ole K. You can’t be trusted

11:33 on Friday and you are out and a bout
You have self worth issues

You have self beauty issues

I really apologize for my words. I am being honest
If I could take them back I would.
Unreal you are all over the place

Integrity is really not your strong point

My only request is you come HOME. I will meet all your request
You are safe
We need to attend church regularly
We need family time

The locks have been changed.

Your son plans to testify against you

You are such a fraud

Y’all are a cult and I plan to expose it

I will never neglect your love again
I will never use a negative word to describe my best friend again
I will apologize to our kids about tearing you down

And explain how that was wrong

For the most untrustworthy person in my life. You sure do love that word
You can’t even do math
Hope ur new man will love you from jail.
You just wait.

I was never your love

I can honestly say, you never loved me like I loved you

Those words were anger word that are not meant
Your value dropped long ago in my eyes.

I love you but

I absolutely hate everything about you. 

You are just a bat shit crazy piece of poop.

 I can't wait to be back in court

You are a complete psycho. You really need help

Your kids absolutely hate you. I wish it wasn't that way. 

I really hope for all y'all sake it doesn't last forever.

Get ready to spend some serious cash. 

I will sell everything I have to stop you

You're crazy
I don't love you

Hate to see the non code house have to be torn down. Your choice
Stop being an ass. Get over yourself. 

It will take me time to understand you do want this.
You could have stopped it

She knows more about me than you ever will know.

You know me better than anyone

You are and always have been a lair.

I can’t believe I stayed 20yrs with you . What a waste of my life.
If you only knew what most people thought about you

Can’t believe you felt unloved.

You know I really don’t want the kids to see you arrested 

by the police no matter what you say to them they’re going to arrest you. 

Whether you’re right or wrong they are going to process you
Then you’re going to sit in there for a minimum of 

probably 24 hours before you can get bailed out

I can honestly say for 20 years, through it all I LOVED you, but I question that now

I hope you get married, pregnant or something so you will leave me the hell a lone

I love you k and I will with all my soul until that last paper is signed
Just so you hear it from me first. I'm getting married again Oct 12th
She knows about you.
She’s an amazing girl and is beyond amazing to our kids. 

She is the most drama free girl I’ve ever met
I’m in love with her. We plan to get married in March of next year

I’m in MAJOR love with her. She is my new world.

Your kids absolutely love her and she is really nice to them

Plus I've never talked to anyone 

while we were married or even attempted too

Your son hates you

So nice to not be married to a kid any more.
The real world is so much better these days

It’s on now. I’m going after everything and everyone.

It’s officially a WAR now.

Wait the kids will be testify next go around

During this process, what I knew and thought about you 

has been confirmed by me and others

I care NOTHING about you and I mean NOTHING

I’m definitely ok in the love department

I hope you get help so the kids can LOVE you too

you better be prepared

I pray you will find someone that will love you

I love GOD and have him in the right place in my life

If this is what it takes for me to feel true love or happy. 

Than GOD give it to me. 

It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; 

for I am not better than my fathers.

You’ve made discarding 20 years very easy.

I really feel sorry for you.

get a fucking life

sorry ass mom

If you could hit a re-boot button or re-do button, would you?

~~~

Dear Larry, 

       No. 

Sincerely,

         ~k 

It's been a year...

It's been a year since his gifts returned but I could not... gifts for being their father, returned in protest because I was their mother. 

::Laswell ~ It's been a year::

Table Tales: Another Thankful Family Table

 

Wasn't there always warm welcome, 

plenty to go around? 

With heads bowed in gratitude, 

Here love once was found. 

Table Tales: The Thankful Family Table

There's a table, You've prepared for me in the presence, of my enemies...

2011

Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” ~ Rom12

As I walk through this season of mourning, I stop along the way sometimes, wondering if these promise are still true for me, despite my own humanity. I believe that my heart was in the right place, but I am told, too, that hearts are wicked and deceptive above all else. 

I hope that I have been obedient. I hope that the desire for peace and love is not a seed wasted. Motives are harder to be sure of when denied a share of the harvest. 

Still, I will trust. It's all I can do. 

black moods ~ an unintentional devotional about depression

The question was recently posed amongst a group of friends whether our depressions and anxieties are sinister voices that hail from a spiritual realm or are but the echo of our own inner cynic.



I rarely feel the need to opine on such things, but it just so happens that I have been pondering the same line of thought over the past few months myself.



I don't have the ability or desire to speak definitively, but wouldn't mind joining the conversation.



Here's what I've got so far :



Not that long ago, I realized something helpful: every thing a particular human enemy was saying aloud to me was exactly what a spiritual force bent on destruction would say if given a human voice.



This person was close enough to know what was important to me and where I was most prone, so that is where they aimed their lashing tongue.



I came to believe that, because this person was not yielded to kindness, they had offered themselves as an open tap for discouragement.



One name used for a spiritual force bent on destruction is The Father of Lies. I began to understand why. A lie so well fashioned it appears to be truth, conceived by a destructive spirit - human or otherwise- and birthed from lips of flesh and blood.



When I took the time - and courage-  to examine my attacker's words closely, I could see the sloppy seams holding those lies together. In the dark, they looked like authentic claims, but held to the Light, my identity in Christ could be seen underneath. I was not a mistake, or the worst mom ever or even a fake.



I also realized that I tended to replay those comments internally and let them re-surface long after they had been identified as counterfeit.



In this way, I was agreeing with the lies more than I was embracing truth.



I believe that, spiritually speaking, we have similarly revealed our vulnerabilities by yielding to the same sins and schemes repeatedly over the course of our lives.



Just like various fish prefer different baits and environments, some of us prefer greed to gluttony, while others find gloom tastier than gossip for digesting our hooks.



We have revealed our preferences and vulnerabilities to any who can watch, and like the stain on a carpet that keeps coming back, sadly, I believe we also harbor pet tendencies within ourselves, too. Including the choice to embrace mock truths.



Those of us who routinely entertain bleak voices may find that they are near because we were born this way - that we are Siamese twins with a seething head. We may have a valid genetic excuse why discouraging voices echo longer and louder in our mind's ear. But we aren't written an excuse to sit on the bleachers. We are all born afflicted in various ways and we must all run the race according to the same instructions:



Focus on what is good, and true and lovely. Build each other up. Sing songs of joy. Be thankful. Pray continually.



~*~



Several months back, while standing in line at the bank to take care of some complicated domestic affairs and desperate for a glimpse of understanding about how things can be allowed to go so terribly awry when we believe our intentions are good, I opened the Bible app on my phone. I didn't choose a book or search a keyword, I just looked down and started reading until my turn at the teller arrived. (I Samuel 18)

Here's what caught my attention:



"The next day an ugly mood was sent by God to afflict Saul, who became quite beside himself, raving..." (backstory: Saul got the results he thought God wanted but not the way God prescribed... he was angry that God rejected his offering. I have been guilty of this same kind of flawed thinking...) 



Other translations say "a black mood"  "a tormenting spirit" and "an evil spirit" but the most curious phrase to me was "sent by God"



Many scholars agree that "allowed by God" is a fair translation of that phrase, as well as an understanding that the word "spirit" used here can apply to one's own inner psyche.



This black mood caused Saul to think within himself that he would like to pin David to the wall when Oopsie! his spear flies out of his hand and David ducks just in time.



Saul verbally commits not to harm David... until the next 'black mood' arrives special delivery, postage paid and once again  attributed to God.



The next chapters devolve into a fully involved man hunt and murder scheme involving that age old trick of placing a dummy with goat's hair in one's bed as a decoy. Works every time!



Did God send a murderous spirit upon Saul?

Or - did He turn Saul over to his (Saul's) own self centered counsel ?



Throughout the Bible, God takes credit for some pretty interesting things.



We are told in both Isaiah 45 and Romans 9 that a smart pot doesn't argue with the Potter about the way it is made.



Our ways are not - will never be- His ways.



Which lands us now on the slippery slope "If I'm chronically depressed, has God turned me over to a futile mind? "



I believe the answer is ultimately a choice we must make.



If we go back into Samuel 19 and read the commitment that Saul made concerning David's life, we see that he made David's survival contingent upon God's existence: "As surely as the Lord lives, so will David."



Saul reached a place where the reality of God no longer took priority over his (Saul's) actions and desires.



David himself knew what it was to be downcast in his soul. He moaned to the Lord, he cried and melted and wasted away quite routinely throughout the Psalms.

In contrast, when a 'black mood' enveloped David, he remembered God was above him and cast his eyes upward with hope and expectation.



~*~



Timely as Big Ben, I encountered my final example this week.

I'd been experiencing sleeplessness over the past week, compounded by falling into a bad routine of staying up into the wee hours and rising later than I wished. It is a vicious cycle, a pet tendency I harbor myself.

And, this particular week,  I was at the notch in my personal anxiety cycle where sleep was crucial.



And so, I tried to spiritualize something that was as much the result of bad physical habits as it was the result of being anxious.



I prayed for a good night's sleep, restorative rest and the ability to wake early enough to get a lot done. These things did not come to pass. And here is what I heard down in my heart: "In vain you get up early and stay up late, working hard to have enough food— yes, he gives sleep to the one he loves" (Psalm 127)



Well! There was all the proof I needed - right there in the Bible. God doesn't really love me. If He did, He would grant me sleep.   



I don't know about you, but the notion that I've been rejected by the 'God who rejects no one' wasn't an effective meditation for getting more rest.



I should have looked more closely at the seams. And I should have looked up the verse I was using to trod myself lower. Scripture doesn't trod on us where it doesn't also offer to restore our hope. 



I've been steeped in 'knowing' this stuff so long, it is embarrassing to admit how silly my thinking can get.  How much I really don't know, despite the many years of hearing and reading and seeking to know. 



But that's sometimes the trick isn't it? 

Fatigue causes us to miss or forget the small but essential details. 



I should have remembered that as surely as the Lord lives, so do I. And as He lives, He is good, merciful, loving, restorative, and kind. But I didn't remember... until half-past dark o'clock in the morning. 



Somewhere in the twilight, I turned the Bible app on audio as I often do to try and get back to sleep. I like that I can set a timer and not kill my phone's battery. The soothing narrator read "For the second test, the devil took Jesus to the Holy City and sat Him on top of the temple and said "Since you are God's son, jump." The devil goaded Him by quoting Psalm 91:'He has placed you in the care of angels. They will catch you so that you won't so much as stub your toe on a stone.'



Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: "Don't you dare test the Lord your God."  (Matthew 4) 



Oh, yeah. 



Scripture can be twisted. 



I had lost sight of that. 



God allowed even Jesus to be goaded by the voice of malevolence - a voice quoting Scripture, no less; not once, but three times in this passage. 



Not unlike Paul's plea for thorn removal, and David's many entreaties for rescue. Those who are routinely goaded need not think ourselves downcast nor outcast any more than the examples set before us in the Chronicles of the Downcast (Whose Faces Were Turned to the Light.) 



Jesus modeled the importance of a steady diet of truth to combat those destructive voices. 



It wasn't just memorizing passages from Deuteronomy that helped, it was in knowing how to apply them. 



The passage in Psalm 91 is a promise that God will protect, that He will save and redeem if we will draw near to Him and get to know Him. The temptation to claim God's promise in another context is the same temptation Saul had been presented with. 



Jesus  saw the fallacy of telling God "If you love me, you'll stop this from hurting me" was twisting a promise of relationship with Him into one of selfish gain. 



After talking to my 'AbbaFather' about what a silly goose I can be, I slept. And the next night, I went to bed at a decent time. Both approaches were called for and effective. 



Later, I re-read the verse in context that I had allowed to twist me out of right thinking. (A rule of thumb I know but was too tired and cranky to practice and see where it got me? ) 



Indeed, He gives rest to those He loves. The sentiment is couched between a warning against building one's life without Him and the admonition that children - those adorable creatures known for waking us up all through the night - are a gift from Him. In context, we can go to bed, even when there is a lot to be done - or thought about- because He is in control, not us. And we can rest when we have purposed to let Him remain in control. 


Whether we're on the job site all day working on our legacy, or burning the midnight oil with a colicky, silly-goose baby, we don't have to go it alone. 

God never sleeps. 

He stays up with His children, helping us with our science projects and telling us true bedtime stories of heroic love and rescue. He rises early with us and is glorified in our faithful decisions both large and small. And that's a far cry from leaving us out in the cold. 



~*~



To my little band of sometimes-suicidal friends, 

And also to the ones who wrestle with blue every now and again, 
it may seem cliche to say "Turn to the Power-That-Is-Greater-Than-You-And-I." when those dark clouds roll in... but so is jumping, cutting or saying goodbye. And how very melodramatic we can be, no? 



Here's what I realized that day in the bank, and it is a theme I've been on the lookout for ever since: In whatever form or realm God sent the black mood,  He did so already at work on "the rest of the story" as Mr. Harvey used to say.



He used the black mood to bring David into the palace, playing his harp. 



David's musical talent was also sent by God. 

(I wonder if David's downcast spirit was what we think of as artistic sensitivity these days?) 



Both men experienced downcast moods and responded differently. 


God weaves their responses with ours into an epic tapestry where we are all given a scarlet thread. 



Hang on to it. (please) 



Whether the speakers that discourage us are internal, external or a mixture of both, turning the truth up drowns them out. 

We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.



What's your story?  What has been true and good and lovely so far? 



Have we not been redeemed? 



Was there ever been a moment worth celebrating in our lives? 



Remembering aloud together helps us spot those seams. 



I love you all and hope you stick around for a long time. 

little kite

East coast girl with your sun tanned skin

Salt in your hair, kissed by the wind

You're wild and free to live and let be

Strings let go you'll soar and sink low

Follow the river away from the sea 

Float the Savannah, back home to me.

I once wiped the tears of a young girl's eyes 

Real life is tested by whether we cry.

Feel and allow it, for though there is pain 

A life without contrast is one built in vain.

Salt and fresh water, shadow and light 

Opposing angles build houses upright

I sit in my own house, thinking of you, 

little kite tattered, lost in the blue

I bottle my question and fling it to sea: 

Were sandcastles and kite flying only for me?

Cup of Irony, Cup of No

A well endowed house save a few essentials...

I woke up in Madame Blueberry 's house (in a tree and everything.)

My mother-in-law is a woman who has just about everything...two and three of some things...but yesterday morning, she had no coffee pods. Lots of tea [which I love] but not a drop of the kick-in-the-pants-in-a-cup that I needed to get me up and get me thinking this particular morning.

And my father-in-law Charlie runs a proud "gourmet" kitchen... he even went to a Johnson & Wales Camp once upon a time.  Imagine my surprise when I  discovered the man has no French press,  no grinder. 

And that's what made the bag of whole coffee beans ironic.

Or was it that they were the only coffee to be found in all the house? 

Either way.

I am here to tell you that I was undeterred.

I am also here to tell you that determination alone does not the cup of coffee make.

You need many other elements.

I found the closest thing to a grinder and made. . . well, ...I made coffee nibs if we're being honest. . . but since I was already squinting, my vision unaided by "the best part of waking up",  it wasn't SO hard to believe it was just a coarse grind. . . until I tried to brew it.

The water did change colors,  I'll give me that.

No French Press,  no coffee grinder and not a single mesh strainer to be found. 

 He does have a flour sifter though.

 Oh, yes I did. 

No,  no it did not.

What I discovered was that,  however coarsely ground those beans had been, they were not too chunky to sneak through the sifter and into the mug...not to mention my mouth.

Coffee nibs are chewy bits of goodness when mixed in chocolate, not so much the morning cup of joe, in this case a morning cup of 'No'. 

I mentally demoted Charlie from Grandfather Gourmet  to chief coup stirrer. No man can climb past that rank without a mesh sieve. It just can't be done.

:: rinse everything,  load the weeble wagon and hug the folks at Baker's Pride, who not only have an appropriate cup of coffee at the ready, but a danish to wash it down with::

loss

I started to write a post about loss (and legacy reels) back when my grandpaw passed away...and then tried again recently when my uncle departed. Days got busy, I'm easily distracted and all of my attempts felt too frilly...too feely.

What I'm really aiming to say has been said in countless ways so, maybe that is why I feel too antsy to pin the words down (pen the words down?). It amounts to "Life is beautiful." though there are plenty of other worthy and valid things to be said about lives well-lived and legacies left behind. Like the following statements:

"The Grand Canyon is large."

"Niagara Falls is wet."

 "There's gold in dem dar hills."

 improvements could be made but the fundamental idea is present and accounted for.

Sometimes that's the best one can do.

So, here I am, sharing the video made in tribute to my uncle as a stand-alone excuse for where I've been lately, a picture-postcard from this other place for which I haven't an adequate vocabulary.

Though I was honored to be asked to help with this project,  I'm not saying "Look what I did." Although I became thoroughly immersed in the project, I'm not sharing a work of art. Truly, it is the handiwork of a novice-at best and I wish it were more...polished.



I share because the process of distilling a life story of 80 plus years down into an 80 proof shot has been transformative for me.



 I learned so many new things about my uncle but also about the world in which I live. Walking through the story of his life was like a history lesson wrapped in one last, strong hug.



In some ways, it helped me say good-bye. In other ways it confirmed that though I know I'm expected to do more and more of it in the years to come, saying goodbye will not get any easier.



The dread of such thoughts is almost enough to steal the joy of today-almost.



But even if it's only for today, the rest of us are still here -together. 

That is no small thing.

 This week, while watching a Disney show with the BigKids, we watched a eulogy scene that called on lines from "Our Town" for fitting words about this business of leaving Earth. I definitely couldn't have said it better myself.  

I know.

 I tried.

"Let's really look at one another!...It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed... Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover's Corners....Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking....and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths....and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every,every minute?"

~THORNTON WILDER //  "OUR TOWN"

No, we don't. We can't. But, we should at least try.

I love all of you. 

Take care of yourselves and each other. 

~k 

The Hospitality Room

   

I let my full weight fall against Burger King's heavy glass door and pushed against it. By nature a fairly passive person, I knew the door would absorb my unusually forceful shove with no loss of dignity. I even imagined it welcomed me a little. Better doors than people. (or...doors are better than people?)

   We were en route to the bedside of a very sick relative and I knew we may not make it in time to say good bye.

   Over the course of the morning, I had morphed into a tiny black rain cloud, prone to outbursts like thunder claps and sudden showers that washed away any semblance of "strength".

    Once inside the ladies room,  I wiped away what streaked mascara could be budged and sighed a prayer of "please".

   I wasn't praying for extra time. I wasn't praying to get there. I was praying for peace and that all would be well with my uncle...soul wise...you know..."It is well...it is well...with my soul." And I was praying for my aunt who will most notice the drought of his showered affections.

   Back inside the car, I learned that my uncle had taken his leave. Just that quick. How closely my praying and his passing coincided, I'll likely never know, but there was a certain proximity that is hard for a person like me to ignore. 

   A person like me how exactly? I'm not sure there are words for that but... I keep the fortunes from my cookies sometimes if that helps.

The cloud expanded, showers persisted.

I'd lost my Keillor comrade, my Alaskan liaison. 89 is a long life, but not long enough for me to have gotten to hear all the stories I wanted to hear, have the conversations I wished to have. At Christmas, I'd known he knew we may be seeing each other for the last time- I'm the girl that rarely gets back home. He brought me his Clancy collection and some other books. We talked about kindles and nooks and the smell of old books. I told him I'd send him a copy of my friend's new book, a link to an NPR app. We hugged, said 'I love you' - not the worst farewell. But none of them are ever good.

   I was a sad little rain cloud.

   From the back seat came an urgent cry " I needago potty!" Rye's 4. She waits til the last possible minute. Preschool bladders have no regard for sombre moments.

   We stopped at the Nickel Pumper in Estill. She was wiggling she had waited so long. We got to the restroom but found an out-of-order sign on the door.

   "No other bathroom?" I asked the hunched over lady at the register. She grunted out something with a negatory sound and I saw that she wouldn't have the location of the employee restroom tortured out of her by the sight of a desperate little girl. She was indifferent to our plight.

   I scooped up my urgent urchin and made a bee line for... I wasn't really sure...but we had to get there fast wherever we were headed.

   Directly across from the filling station was an auto parts store. There were several men out front so I figured it was open. For the same reason -the all male cast out front- after I'd covered nearly half the distance, I heard my late grandfather's admonition "Might be dangerous for a lady."  Actually, he was shaking his head... but I knew exactly what he meant.

   I scanned the surrounding businesses, a Chinese restaurant to the left - no clear sign that they were open. Nothing else nearby held the promise of plumbing, no where else had a glowing neon OPEN sign like the auto parts store. Besides, we were at the front door now. No turning back.

   "Excuse me, sir" I approached the counter. He had already begun putting his conversation on pause when he saw me approaching. His customer was from Beaufort and it was clear that this shop owner knew his customers, is counted amongst their trusted friends. "Do you have a restroom this wee one might use? We stopped across the street but it is out of order."

   "You are welcome here ma'am. They've been playing that same game over there for twenty years."

   He excused himself from the customer and led us through the long shelves of auto parts inventory to the facilities we were so desperately in need of by this point.

   I've got to tell you...this bathroom was not only welcoming, it was downright cozy. Clean and well stocked, it smelled nice and was stylishly decorated. Not at all what one might expect to find in a place where motor oil is sold and men come in wearing it on their clothes.

   This surprise mingled with our gratitude at being granted admission had the effect of turning an ordinary, tasteful restroom in to a haven of rest.

   The antique sewing machine that served as a shelf also contained an "Our Daily Bread" booklet...Ah! Perhaps we are family...that would explain the undeniable feeling of welcome. I admit, I picked it up, let it fall open, looking for a glimpse of encouragement, a little silver to guild my edges.

   As Riley washed her hands, I thought about what I could possibly buy in this parts store. It is my standard road trip protocol to patronize whatever establishment we have made a pit-stop at. I always feel terribly guilty if I don't. I decided I would at least ask the gentleman's name and try to cast an eye about for something I recognized, to purchase.

   I introduced myself, he was Gary he said. I gave a brief overview of the travel situation that had led to us coming in to his store. I told him that his kindness, especially in the face of this bleak day, had been like a soothing balm. I thanked him and told him that if I knew what to buy, I certainly would purchase something.

   He objected at that. Absolutely not necessary.

"Anytime you're thru this way, you are welcome here." He realized that we may pass through again on our return trip (Estill is sort of a junction between country roads and cotton fields) He reiterated his warm welcome and sent me on my way with a business card.

As I crossed the road back to the Nickel Pumper, this quote ran through my mind:

"So shines a good deed in a weary world."

~ Willy Wonka. 

 

I felt hugged at a time when I really needed a hug...not that I would ever admit to needing anything...ever.

When I looked that quote up, I learned a slightly different version actually first appears in The Merchant of Venice...Willy Shakespeare.

So, now, I have to read MoV in the near future...just as soon as I can find a companion reader's guide to help me translate. Or perhaps I should see it on stage. (Uncle Roy loved the arts)  

Until then, I'd like to channel my best Paul Harvey voice to tell you that when you shop at your friendly C & N Auto Parts in Estill, SC you are shopping with good folks. With old fashioned customer service, fair pricing, quality work and staff who treat you like family, C & N Auto Parts in Estill,SC is a store that is worth the drive. So, stop by C & N Auto Parts for any and all of your automotive needs, and tell Gary I say hello. He's good people.