The Diet: a lightly fictionalized memory







(For Delton) 



There were more bottoms than seats in the waiting corral at Wafflebees, but we were so far south in Georgia, the only other late night bites required venturing across the state line into Florida.





We shiftless late-shifters shifted around the small half-wall stall trying not to crowd one another or make eye contact of a duration requiring small talk. 





Tamika, the tired and tireless hostess,  announced our turn to order the deep-fried Bad Lifestyle Choices Trio (with 3 sauces!) had arrived and bid us join her expedition for a still-damp yet still-sticky table at which to abandon us. We agreed to follow her raised menu torch only if she could lead us to a table directly under an A/C register and nearest the 'ambiance' of the late night kitchen. She did her best. 





"How many?" she inquired.





"There are 3" came our reply. 





::swoop, swoop, schlipfh:: 





Tamika counted out three oversized menus, the last one still slick from waiter Dwayne's One Rag Wipes It All menu session following the 10 o'Clock rush. It was now well after eleven and Dwayne had taken his rag over to the waiting area's brass railing and etched glass. 





"Don't she look good?" 





My cousin Charles bragged to Tamika while gesturing towards me. 





"She done lost 200 pounds!" 





He let the surprised Tamika admire me and congratulate my hard work all the way to our ambient kitchen-side table. 


I tried to hold a straight face. I didn't know what the forthcoming punch-line was going to be, but I knew there was going to be a punchline coming forth. 





Charles always has a punchline when he starts with a question. 





"Yeah, she finally divorced that ol' summagun" he snapped his finger "...lost two hundred pounds of manure just like that! My buddy Steve can't offload that much crap on his blueberry fields no faster ! Don't she look good?" 





Tamika smirked, almost forgetting that her feet hurt. 





We ordered our medley of questionable nutrition and melded with the vinyl booths we would later have to peel ourselves out of. 





We laughed about the weight I'd lost and toasted the freedom I was starting to find. 


















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