Ordinary Life

In the movie, a young girl covers the song of a faded superstar who is paralyzed by loss.  By the chorus, the audience is on its feet, singing in unison "...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."  :: The jaded old timer is rallied and joins in song. ::  "...I believe in the kingdom come Then all the colors will bleed into one Bleed into one But yes I'm still running  You broke the bonds And you loosed the chains Carried the cross Of my shame Oh my shame You know I believe it But I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."  I felt my heart break a little- for humanity; for all of us longing to know -and feel- that we are truly loved. I'm convinced it's what we're all seeking, every last one of us: love that knows us fully and keeps us forever.  That's the Good News of Christmas.  We can stop running.  No more hide-and-seek, we've been found.  And we are already so very loved.  For keeps.      ...

Before the decree, my marriage ended in a thousand works of literature. We've been listening to an audio drama of ' A Christmas Carol' by The Merry Beggars as an Advent activity and came to Scrooge's exchange with Belle this week.  I love 'A Christmas Carol'  for so many reasons, one of which is this scene. It has been a friend and strange comfort to me for many, many years.  When I first encountered it, while homeschooling my children, it gave me vocabulary for an underlying understanding that my partner and I were using different currencies based on vastly varying values. Without knowing all that was to come, my heart reflected Belle's even then: I release you to pursue your true passion and hope you find the happiness that now eludes you.  Merry Christmas to all and thank God for the miracle of hearts that say yes to being changed.  >> Belle's Farewell << For again Scrooge saw himself. He was older now; a man in the prime of life....

"Bwahahahaha!" Her cackle pierced the drone of usual student activity in the combination gym/chapel/lunchroom.  The victim, unaware she had been selected as today's target, looked to see if everyone was alright. It was such a loud and sudden noise, she thought someone had been hurt.  What she saw was laughter. Great big gobs of gossipy guffawing hee-haw. And they were laughing at her.  Unwilling to explain what was so funny, they only pointed out that her chair was in the wrong place.  "I won't tell you what I WAS going to say" one of the mean girls jeered in-between guffaws. Then, lifting her hand to create the shadowy working conditions necessary for vile lips to spew, she  whispered to her loyal and listening friend whatever it was she had not been going to say.   They laughed the wrong-chair-sitter back to her classroom, embarrassed and dismayed.  ~~~ This story is true.  The bullies portrayed are not little girls.  But they...

Some days, we just survive.  And we try to hide which days. Make them all look alike. " I'm fine, (Just fine. This is fine.) thank you, and how are you?"  No one will know.   And that's noble, right? It's what we're supposed to do: think on things lovely, good and true; count it all joy, my brethren, when life drops the other shoe.  For me, I have noticed "struggle days" tend to follow highly productive, happy moments.  Like shadow, stalking light.  It is true that gratitude lifts our mood, but what do you do when the dark slinks in even in the midst of joy and celebration ?  HOLD ON.  Like a sudden thunderstorm, let it pass.  If you can dance in the rain or jump in puddles, go right on out and do that.  But if it is dangerous and scary,  with flashes of lightning, stay put.  It is ok to curl up and wait. It can be comforting to talk with a friend when the power goes out.  One way I've learned to pray over the last few yea...

In the ancient books of Wisdom that have been forming my understanding of the world since I was very young, there is an adage to not withhold one's hand from sowing seed both in the morning and the evening, for we cannot know which will sprout, even, perhaps both.  This is located very near an adage about casting one's bread upon the water without fear of loss. It is an admonition to generosity but I have always muddled it with the seed passage to an understanding something like this:  Cast your bread upon the water - both in the morning and in the evening - whether you catch ducks or fish, there will be plenty to eat for everyone.  And there you see the difficulty in teaching me anything: the muddling. I'm a muddler. Things get muddy.   ~~~ In July. I started massage therapy school.  I soon realized that the school is set up identical to what is referred to as a 'predatory for profit' college. I'm sure it is strictly coincidence, as there are a lot of fine...

I recently entered a microfiction challenge . We were randomly assigned a genre, keyword and action to include in a 100 word story. This week, I found out I made the Top 15 finalist cut for my group. This means I will be given new prompts and 24 hours to write another 100 word story for Round Two... soon.  Round One:  Genre : r omantic comedy Word : bask Action : taking an X-ray  Catching The Red Eye To San Rio by Kelly Brewer “Sir, your shoes?” I slowly put my loafers on the conveyor to bask in x-rays. I had hoped to keep this morning’s wardrobe mishap to myself, but now the danger of exploding sneakers demanded I bare my soles to the cutest TSA agent in the terminal. My socks stood out like a sixth toe. I saw her notice and looked away. I must’ve turned three shades pinker than the socks on my feet. But when she smirked ‘I love Hello Kitty, too!” I looked right into her eyes. And the rest, as they say, is history, Kit. Our family history. Judges' Feedback: WHAT...

 "This is the first day of my life..."  I set my alarm to that old Bright Eyes song and slept somewhat fitfully last night, anticipating today - the day I start something new.  I am going to school.  I enrolled in college a few times when I was married, but 'mysteriously', before the first day ever rolled around, we needed to move or I needed to take a part-time job to help make ends meet.  So, I never made it to school, though I was able to take a few online classes.  Today marks the first day in a life I am choosing, a new direction that- crash or sail- I am happy to be living.  I never realized how isolation worked until I was free to build community, how innocuous the actions of a fence-builder can seem.  " I've just got too much work to do, we can't visit   " and " We're our own little family, let's make new traditions together, just ourselves. " is hardly sinister, until it is an enforced way of life.  That is to say, going to...

Softly, from the backseat, as we pulled away from the little wooden chapel in the wildwood,  I heard my ten year old singing:  " How marvelous, how wonderful ..." As if she realized I was listening to her, she said "I didn't know all the words to that song"  So I pulled it up on Spotify and we sang or way home.  ~*~ Now she is planning a concert in the park. As soon as tomorrow, if the weather allows, but someday this week, at the very latest. She doesn't want to miss her chance she says, because her week with the parent who can be talked into such adventures (me)  will soon be past.  She thinks she will add her new favorite, 'How Marvelous' to her song list. " Maybe if I sing it a little more rock-and-roll-ish to match my style ? "  she wonders aloud I smirk at the irony she can't see and pull a more contemporary version of " I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous)" up on Spotify.  ' Hey, they stole my idea!' she says...

A few weeks ago, I discovered 7 newborn kittens on my back porch.  Last week, I discovered mangled fur and that their box had been moved.  My aunt disposed of the remains- so mangled a count was not possible, but it appeared all were lost. Today, I discovered 5 kittens, tucked safely in the rafters above where their original box had been.  One tumbled, uninjured, from it's high tower.  We extracted the other kittens and now, reunited, they await whatever plan we come up with to get them fed and keep them safe until they're big enough to... fly the nest. 

The shore is lined with us,   Our phones lifted toward the rising sun- Empty cups waiting to be filled,  And spilled.  4/9/2021 "Waking"